It’s been almost two years since I published my book Spiritual Hottie’s Diary. It’s been almost as long since I felt fully myself: A young woman who grabs her life by its tail, feels creative juices coursing through her veins, has a sly sparkle in her eyes, and boasts a can-do attitude. And did I mention boundless, almost child-like energy? That’s how I remembered myself. So imagine my surprise when the only description that fit was an image of a Soul EKG that was nearly flat. Yes, the patient was still alive, highly functional in fact, but that’s about it.
Since March 2015, the woman who came up with a motto “Be Inspired, Lighthearted, and Hot—No Matter What,” and who lived it, has been lost in the dark maze with neither compass nor flashlight. There were many reasons for that—life didn’t spare me of my share of losses, disappointments, tears, for sure—but this knowledge gave me no self-starting power.
What’s next? What’s next? What’s next? I kept asking myself, “Is there a defibrillator to my soul’s lackluster existence?”
I felt angry, fury at myself and others.
I felt dejected, lost.
I felt hopeless, aimless.
The books I turned to for answers taught me that these were as valid and indeed human emotions as happiness and joy. And while I grew to accept this wisdom, oh my, how badly I wanted to feel the butterflies in my stomach again!
“Self-pity,” as Tim Parks wrote in Teach Us Sit Still, “is a great teller of boring tales.” I was a fabulous storyteller of tales I didn’t want to hear. Yet action seemed to take a one-way ticket away from me.
I kinda knew what might work, but kinda didn’t want to do the work. The feeble seedlings of my awesome plans got squashed by the weight of too many ideas. Frustrated, I told a friend once, “The funny thing is if someone were to ask me for advice in this very same situation, I’d easily come up with a plan to save them. I’d even become this person’s emotional re-charge buddy for crying out loud!” To which she said, “Play a trick with your mind. Look at yourself from aside and write down the steps as if you were to give advice to that person.” And you know what? It actually worked! I, or rather my imaginary friend, now has a plan!
So what is it, you may ask? Stay tuned for the next blog post! I do have a favor to ask though: Please keep me accountable on my journey from Lackluster to Luscious. I have a self-imposed deadline: The first day of Spring, or March 20, 2017. Drop me a line if you have ideas of what I can add, or not do for this matter.
Until next time, “Be Inspired, Lighthearted, and Hot—No Matter What.” Ciao!